May Day ... Weekend ... The brightest yet since ...

A UK Bank Holiday ... 

We have not had much thinking about this weekend. The flurry of activity in the months of March and April ... when one is dying and die. This weekend came upon us ... 

This week last, started with a thanksgiving service for the life of my mum in law ... On the following day we continued on with the task of clearing the legacy left of hubbys last months in clutter left behind ... with all the muddle that continued with another home ...

A ruthless clear out ... with two others ... to continue on in gettting this home into a manageable function of  life ... 

... this ruthlessness ... continued the next day with two of us  ...  

This day followed getting out in three areas to take items back to Dartford Salvation Army from the funeral. A trip to Eltham to lay a bloom where father in law is at rest. His anniversary falling the same week his wife was cremated.  

We finished off this day at Bluewater. 

On Friday more goodbyes when daughter headed off for a retreat in Bristol with our cousin, after our breakfast together. ...

For now ... back to one ... left to continue on yet again to get this home functioning in light and bright... from the darkness that fell upon it ...

Yet even more vividness of light revealed again this week. The layers of time revealed the wall space ... I now feel yet again in a different place ... Wow ...

It speaks volumes again ... when one enters from room to room ... 

occupied in plenty ...

Starting with a weekend of a day remembering my father in law ... Sitting on a cloud watching over us ... As said himself to a then very young grand child ...

A holiday ... A month of celebraratory mourning ... accumulating in a week of massive change ...

Unexpected time with family ... Unexpected outcomes life gives us ...

Life Scattered to ...

Life organised ...

Now to work through the start made through another eyes ... that sees from being away coming ...  back anew ... 

As in a daughter assisting me this week ... 

To set me onto the next stage en masse ... 

Breaking The Rules

not the conventional

And the usual ...

A view from Nunhead

A train station when we changed trains 

Canary Wharf is visible in the horizon 

from the town centre in the town currently reside in 

And once ...  on part of the way to where the in laws used to live

Family and History Moments ...

We have been putting the pieces of family history together from the generations of photos. They had been under the clutter of another home and away from view for a time  ... 

They were retrieved and kept a while elsewhere... Recently on the death of a Nana they were passed to us ... My daughter was delighted with these. We have been busy tracking our memories back from time spent with the paternal line and back along the branches of her ancestors ... that was much remembered over the many decades ... 

There are other documents, some giving clues to areas of info I had an inkling of once ... The generation that I knew foe a few years myself, long before the last two generations passed away of my husband and his parents ... 

Thoughts beyond the Mourning

to get back on track where I was in Mid March ... For the return back from some fresh air on the coast literally what the doctor ordered at A&E last Autumn ... 

I'd be better off from my roots and get to make the most of it and a beautiful area to re-explore ... 

Dreckly to get there via the scenic route 

More winding down

of a life ... Of another close death ... The home ... The environment ... Perpetual times of echoes of travesty and adversity and the norm ... 

Writing ... taking images in mind ... and by shot ...

Now for the young ones to come back in the home for various and many tasks not least saying goodbye to the Late Dads Mum ... 

Catching up on life, ...

In the reprieve of time out to remember a life now gone ... 

However sad it is getting to do the farewells ... which you pay someone else to do generally in modern times ... 

Having a prior career in the care of the older population, I had seen people passed on pretty early,  before my nearest and dearest started the cycle of life and death ... 

I have also had my fair share of many types of disabilities and chronic illnesses living with some along the way ... People passing out on me ... Epileptic episodes when medications are not functioning well ... This stood me in good stead with my late hubby's usual and unusual times with him at the end of his life ... 

Although I have since lost my confidence in a lot of areas  ... 

I have a lot of self doubts ... For did I do enough ? 

A lot has been said in responses to this ... And I know deep inside it was not me ... It was an unintentional slow suicide in one respect, hurried along a bit more with the cold of that time ..

And the harassment in not being believed how ill he was with both types of disability ... 

And getting to die in dygnity at the end ... . 

A very personal farewell ...

all coming together ... 

the final preparations and decisions on all aspects in fruition ... 

... now it is the stories of remembering from the first weekend of meeting .... through to pouring her glass of water in the plant pot by the side of us in the red room ... instead of drinking it on my penultimate time with my Mum in law ... for the eulogy our daughter will put together in her way ... 

An almighty change ...

In our life's ...

The dynamics ... again so changeable ...

Daughters studies are postponed until February so taking time out in this time ... I will probably still go away in what would have been graduation this year ... 

Support from the volunteering side of her life ... To combine work and volunteer and with more availability in time now ... to gain experience to do the Masters route ... 

This is destiny and the time spent holding and nursing nana in those end days ... Where others were not supportive means others gain when others have lost in loss ... 

our future

For daughter and I have been the subject and focus of this outcome which again for both of us will be taking us on a different course after our recent losses... continue...

I have more of an idea what I may achieve....whether it now suits me is another matter 

As per instructions ...

Woodlands
2 April 2016 

The re fit of the bathroom light fitting ... 

The light in the bathroom back in operation within 10 days of arriving home ...   Despite the upheaval of all the funeral arrangements surrounding our life presently ....

I had a bit of an unplanned siesta today ... The tiredness of these times catching up with me ... 

An evening and weekend of plenty of rest with the needs required ... Perhaps another walk to the park .... 

Follow Up Repairs ...

From the cascade of water from above ... Due this morning ...

Mostly dried out now ... There was still a puddle in the bathroom on arriving back

A personal poem ... a piece of music ...

... a profile in pictures ... all yet to come together ...

Mood Lift

... Time for self ... Time to log ... Time to write ...

Makes a difference on the inner peace ... The strength needed for this and the doubts ... Using what I have at present to give the best polish and finish to worth on work at this time ... 

It will either date or be timeless depending on the classic or contemporary quality used ... 

The latest bereavement belongings from care in hospital and more ...

Trying to get on top of the belongings from the latest bereavement ...

• The clothes worn on admission to hospital,
• Clothes to select for dressing of  our deceased loved one 
• Gifts cards and trinkets from death of son through the seasons to now 
• Toiletries gifts and items that can be finished up
• Photos 
• Cuddly toys acquired and more ...
• Items from the hospital ... tissues ... games ... and more 

Already some have been donated ... Used and stored with other items for moving up north ... To help the setting up of the next generations home with minimal things to the paternal family way of recent living ... All of a team effort to ease my overwhelming scars of more of the Robinsons items which is usual on theses times but I can no longer stand the thought of ... 

Flowers ... Hymns Selections and Hmmmm ...

Order of the music into a crescendo of praise and upbeat from a reflective start ... 

Notifying old neighbours and colleagues in person with the ripple of the news of a well loved mum in law that will filter out now in a crescendo too ... on the path well trodden to the park near the once lively home of the in laws with the aroma of delicious food and warmth in character ... floating out from here ... 

After a leisurely start to the day and popping round to the florist to select our flowers not that far from home and right next door to the funeral home just over and round from us 

Celebration of a life

... Preparations for my mum in law are well under way ... Respecting the wishes of a family all but gone  now ... Her son ...  My late hiusband passing on  a few seasons earlier ...

Flowers to be chosen, a coffin, the wishes, relevant bible reading.. A poem and composed words in an eulogy, thoughts prayers in an order of service with an unique take on a celebration of a life, led by officers who are married and personally know the family  ... 

The style and colour of clothes ...how to say farewell for now ...

Distributing the wishes and times as a family spent for many decades through the ups and downs and a time too forgotten ... 

Grasping the ironies, the beauty and the fate, with the destiny of a treasured cherished time with a warmth and uniqueness 

I will treasure too through this sad and still at times an overwhelming life left, originally back some seasons of time now ... the fact of so many continued shared moments when we were both left alone in circumstances bad and fatal ...

And right back to the time we first met .... With the change and tides of time of first arriving in this county with no M25, the opening of what would be a well used restaurant and the coffee house in Bromley to latterly Groom Bridge on the canal immortalised in a photo ...

Sharing meals, picnics and barbecues, the delicious family recipes and food  ... Coastal time, mountains and walks aplenty .. spending a few years of time with my Mum in law's Mum on a Sunday between weekends of visiting other family and friends in counties plenty ...