One Massive

moments in moving on ... in pictures one festive season 

Christmas market goods 

 

Thy seeing

much in dilemmas ... the change sometimes annoys as in the timeline to a-z instead of date stamped though I may be missing in the obvious that can happen ...

The madness more furtive ... the slow crescendo all around of festive that is not always in blessings but greed  ... for me I am taking myself afar from here in much difference in indifference ... 

Many in fruitless

tasks, whilst many in fruitful ... the workout in movement the only benefit ... There is so much wasted time. I hope this changes when my next year arrives...

And so much playing around to free the frustrations in restlessness in close of hours ... 

The tidy up of life on file ... 

Hand made sweeties

.... toffee apples and ices cream ...

.... Mum made some ice lollies when last with her ... My sister made truffles a few years back and after a trip out to get a box of milk tray. I purchased items to make some fudge instead .... 

A festive time this year with my Mum and sister in me making a mess in the kitchen, brewing mulled wine, baking mince pies and whatever else we may fancy. 

The days of baking with a Rayburn .... the slow cook and bubbles of percolating coffee. And making chip butties for supper. The days of long hikes, rambles and swims and rowing  and ball bashing .... to gorge without layers I now have from non movement. And a swift trend in slow. The soon to be trip and see if any clothes for packing now fit or are too baggy! 

Small in hard ...

[{💙 the new updates on this platform ... could do with a search bar across all blogs for key words rather than tagging on individual or automated tagging or ...  any way where was I before I drifted off back to all those elements in life not yet put in place, besides silent doors and better search tools for blog posts ... and yesterday a lift out tray for the bottom of freezers for ease of cleaning ... 

The feedback in life of better ways we all think of ...}]

🌲🌲🌲

Small in hard ... 

... to find sometimes for the time in gap from food consumption here. The high turnover of food no more. The half empty food in freezer burn and damp in kitchen ... where the mould damp truly got hold. Not helpful when left for periods of unaired time ... 

All the meters and gismos disappeared to ease and measure condensation etc gone. I have not replaced everything in life gone ... I make do with the little there is left, in the amore of excess in unnecessary ... when the balance is back I probably too be gone by then -at the rate it is going❗

       

🌲

Another personal debut day

in new ... it will be spasmodic; most probably in a bumpy tine while I smooth out life a bit ...

A blast from the past

... This is usually in a  place of honour ... it is starting to see the light of day again ... 

After being behind rubbish; as a doctor once put it who never saw the rubbish! 

And ironic that I would be making soup today, 

The award winning cooking of my ol' man 

soup was a dish ... 

Blowing a proud trumpet tonite! 

Thy world has expanded

since this last Poppy red time. The abundance of profile change to commentate. My world is s lot smaller than once, and a lot bigger than was .... The care not to retract at this time. 

Herbs in spice

And all things nice 

In the kitchen supplies 

In tandem with the take a tour to learn some more techniques to create image from image in filters, layers and text that I still to have a go with to make an image in ambiance ... 

The ways I use photos is through my own volition in simple fast ... 

The thunder struck mind of confusion in healing ... 

Treat Time

to celebrate the life debut day of my mum in law who was in the words of the Salvation Army:- promoted to glory at Eastertime ... this year. 

A Tuesday in time off to make a lovely meal I hope. I decided to postpone dealings in life routines to come back to a world in part of the tangled life here until Wednesday as the start of the eeek ... 

Solutions in silly ...

and option B in progress tomorrow to extend my life beyond the narrow mindedness... I must be mad to put myself back there. 

At least one self in three communities and many options ... I can see the difference in appreciation where others fail not only others ... but in the end themselves. 

My cousin often admitted in the many quandaries too late sometimes to help at the time. The realisation in time of this unprecedented time we share ... 

Restful in Restoration

and hopes for a mourning in slow. The requirement to polish up some charitable work papers in application time. 

The main focus though are the cluttered kitchen counters in mid flow, when this opportunity came in the virtual inbox that needed prompt attention. 

The counters were more spacious and in a lovely way to use. I have been basic baking. I hope to do more this weekend. It keeps the mind active. The simplicity of a few ingredients for a tasty dish ... 

Cobwebs, Dust

And a bit of must. 

A revamp in  a difference of the bedroom. 

My sister innuendos; when I relayed I had been busy in the bedroom today! 

The entanglement to

the enchanting season helping the settlement in a new home. A time too clearing a late Dads workshop and rather enormous study. He was a numismatic and a philatelist.  

When he no longer tinkered in designing trailers. He tinkered with the new tech. The office study was a ground breaking area of much. It was once a games room when we grew up. It still had a mini snooker table at the time of his death. It is a treasure trove only to him. 

To us a mountain of others creative belongings of no need necessarily to Mum. 

The implantation of much resurrected in regenerating my locked up creativity in the home a tad 

I have put in place much here from that time slowly and steadfastly 

... Multi Tasking ...

I await a download. I type or knit. I never thought I see this time I do, plan, wait with needle or hook in hand again.

I might just be able to attempt knitting some knitted knockers to specific specifications ... My mum a recipient of those soft knitted cotton pattern  ... after finding the new prosthetic one uncomfortable ... In those years of wearing one. The new designs; surprising not as comfortable  .. 

Photos, videos, the images

Through thy eyes ... The step in no right or wrong direction ... Rediscovering properties in hamlets where time too stands still ... Seeing rivers streams brooks tributaries estuaries bridges quirky in time and nature ... The water pump, the red telephone box styles fast going near the built up areas near government and monies. 

Out in the sticks not to get things which is good in the fact that life is different to here ... I loved it. The being in the middle of nowhere hardly meeting anyone and when you do they speak ... A voice or few heard that you often do not get my way. Although yesterday was a bit different, with an emotive film shared by the few there ... 

A time in wild abundance in towns and villages trails and woods too. The hedge tickets where no civilisation. A newly born calf. The inquisitive friendly farm dogs. The beauty of roaming free once again, words are not adequate... The images speak volumes as always ... 

Coves and a wreck too 

visiting the archives

of the voluntary work of a daughter ....

the fascinating example of how one thing leads to another in a large ripple of opportunities. The extra curricular activities to give confidence and for us a purpose beyond what was happening until I nearly gave up ....

The lesser of me

the suggestion by sister if I starting running again, in a few months a difference would be seen quicker ... 

The damage in all that was, is. The stop in forward rolls, jumps, handstands, cartwheels, skipping, diving, rowing, swimming, cycling, hula, tennis, rounders, French cricket, badminton, ball games plenty, swing ball, fun runs all came to an eventual stand still in time ... Dancing too eventually and the workout within the home was pushed out including eventually the exercise bike ... 

a trek on a trail ...

Many seasons on thoughts of walks again afar. I finally achieved seven miles in one afternoon. We took the bus to Bodmin. And did this walk back from there, along a very familiar Camel Trail. It was cool weather which helped. The pleasant breeze whipping over the skin and through the hair, once again on a regular basis. 

Thy Busmans Break

stash busting in Our deceased fathers office. 

My quality time with kin working together in a more usual laborious task when someone passes away. 

And seeing the familiar views in between times

The next step will be revealed as time unfolds 

The Cornish Landscape

A very familiar seascape 

Ship wrecks ...light houses ... Rock pools ... Sand dunes ... Wind swept on a cliff ... Coves ... Caves ... Inlets ... The breeze on the water ... The colour of summer ... The misty gales  of winter with foamy waves crashing against the cliffs, are only a touch of what this cunningly deceptive county offers ... As bleak ... as it is stunning ... 

Leisure time

after the distasteful time in removal of yucky times in grime ... how did that happen ... Will now make way for I hope some pleasurable thoughts in time ... for a few weeks now at least ... 

The long tall ...

wind a down ... 

a pain for the task of overcoming much ... Like today I should a gone out ... this has just reminded me I better put my doctors date on the fridge ... my sister is on countdown ... Doing the many tasks in preparation for a hand that will be out of use while it heals  ... My assistance and much quality time together without going to work a while ... 

Fortunately she often works from home ... 

This has been set up too ... ready after the initial recuperating period ... with the necessary adjustments ... a lot of adaptions in life like Mum too coping with limited functions from disease attacking in the joints  ...

This current operation should ease movement in one particular bad joint on the left hand ... 

Plans to see

more of a country in glee.
The kid asking
where I like to be.
The suggestions few,

the environment in hues
colour and temperament too
A culture new ...?

A proper job

and the focus in the kitchen today ...

I have cleared the end counter of the odds and ends mainly, in this room, destined for the various functions elsewhere in the home. I have set up the grill my parents gave me. I usually like clear counters before that time ... I have a space in the first cupboard I did yonks ago, for that. I decided to leave it out a while, this time around. It is so versatile. It is a necessary evil, it is swift to do a meal for one.

I was in mind to look at the recipe booklet to do something different for a change.

I have missed messing around in the kitchen of what it is supposed to function for ... I will see how I cope with that ... out on the counter ...

I often wondered about design. I could design a good style kitchen to suit my individual needs and functions ...

The new kitchen to be of our daughters is reminiscent of my maternal grand parents ... mainly freestanding ... She is following the family tradition of hoping to live in a grade ll listed building ... with a more historical exterior as well as interior ... character with work in other words ... Although knowing my next generation they will probably get a dresser rather than finishing fitting it ...

My parents kitchen is a one off ... My Dad built it ... Only Mum has plans to renovate it into a different style ... including her dresser from the lounge, moving it into the kitchen instead ...

That dresser Dad renovated. The lady who he bought it off came to see his handiwork.

Many Tasks in May

many and many. I ripped out parts without a heart. The time not to be sentimental. This part not understood my therapy or anyone alike 

I am striving for the simple life back. The life of much ... with little ... 

The Gradually sync and streamline

in the virtual world too

just as I did with the best deals pre-crisis 

the making of time to see improvements in data packages ... all you can eat data in kind with the likes of my thinking for mobility and safety ...  

is just an example ... 

the fun of being in the middle of nowhere with no wifi ... 

I create my own ...

The promises of free wifi ... yes ... with caveats 

Pfft

Travelling hints and tips I have discovered in trial and error ...

A Blast in the Past ...

On a grey May Day ... 

river darenth on another may bank holiday ...
Our Wedding Anniversaty in 2005 

where not understood ... I with the help of kin ... transforming from the time in disarray ... And trips past in the good times ... A honey moon ... Walks by a river ...

The worst times ... just before the death ...

The life and death of times past ... 

Solutions in solution ...

taking time to solve...  as I work through the life I am left to face ...

The people have slipped back into individual lives ... after the coming together for a moment in time ... It is time now to continue with what I am attempting in the reduce reuse recycle from a clutter in so many strands of life ...

The nicer side ... The stash of crafts, music and these gadgets with my now images and words  ... For all that is lost ... Thier is new to explore ... 

The May month very special indeed ... for so much ... 

May Day ... Weekend ... The brightest yet since ...

A UK Bank Holiday ... 

We have not had much thinking about this weekend. The flurry of activity in the months of March and April ... when one is dying and die. This weekend came upon us ... 

This week last, started with a thanksgiving service for the life of my mum in law ... On the following day we continued on with the task of clearing the legacy left of hubbys last months in clutter left behind ... with all the muddle that continued with another home ...

A ruthless clear out ... with two others ... to continue on in gettting this home into a manageable function of  life ... 

... this ruthlessness ... continued the next day with two of us  ...  

This day followed getting out in three areas to take items back to Dartford Salvation Army from the funeral. A trip to Eltham to lay a bloom where father in law is at rest. His anniversary falling the same week his wife was cremated.  

We finished off this day at Bluewater. 

On Friday more goodbyes when daughter headed off for a retreat in Bristol with our cousin, after our breakfast together. ...

For now ... back to one ... left to continue on yet again to get this home functioning in light and bright... from the darkness that fell upon it ...

Yet even more vividness of light revealed again this week. The layers of time revealed the wall space ... I now feel yet again in a different place ... Wow ...

It speaks volumes again ... when one enters from room to room ... 

occupied in plenty ...

Starting with a weekend of a day remembering my father in law ... Sitting on a cloud watching over us ... As said himself to a then very young grand child ...

A holiday ... A month of celebraratory mourning ... accumulating in a week of massive change ...

Unexpected time with family ... Unexpected outcomes life gives us ...

Life Scattered to ...

Life organised ...

Now to work through the start made through another eyes ... that sees from being away coming ...  back anew ... 

As in a daughter assisting me this week ... 

To set me onto the next stage en masse ... 

Breaking The Rules

not the conventional

And the usual ...

A view from Nunhead

A train station when we changed trains 

Canary Wharf is visible in the horizon 

from the town centre in the town currently reside in 

And once ...  on part of the way to where the in laws used to live

Family and History Moments ...

We have been putting the pieces of family history together from the generations of photos. They had been under the clutter of another home and away from view for a time  ... 

They were retrieved and kept a while elsewhere... Recently on the death of a Nana they were passed to us ... My daughter was delighted with these. We have been busy tracking our memories back from time spent with the paternal line and back along the branches of her ancestors ... that was much remembered over the many decades ... 

There are other documents, some giving clues to areas of info I had an inkling of once ... The generation that I knew foe a few years myself, long before the last two generations passed away of my husband and his parents ... 

Thoughts beyond the Mourning

to get back on track where I was in Mid March ... For the return back from some fresh air on the coast literally what the doctor ordered at A&E last Autumn ... 

I'd be better off from my roots and get to make the most of it and a beautiful area to re-explore ... 

Dreckly to get there via the scenic route 

More winding down

of a life ... Of another close death ... The home ... The environment ... Perpetual times of echoes of travesty and adversity and the norm ... 

Writing ... taking images in mind ... and by shot ...

Now for the young ones to come back in the home for various and many tasks not least saying goodbye to the Late Dads Mum ... 

Catching up on life, ...

In the reprieve of time out to remember a life now gone ... 

However sad it is getting to do the farewells ... which you pay someone else to do generally in modern times ... 

Having a prior career in the care of the older population, I had seen people passed on pretty early,  before my nearest and dearest started the cycle of life and death ... 

I have also had my fair share of many types of disabilities and chronic illnesses living with some along the way ... People passing out on me ... Epileptic episodes when medications are not functioning well ... This stood me in good stead with my late hubby's usual and unusual times with him at the end of his life ... 

Although I have since lost my confidence in a lot of areas  ... 

I have a lot of self doubts ... For did I do enough ? 

A lot has been said in responses to this ... And I know deep inside it was not me ... It was an unintentional slow suicide in one respect, hurried along a bit more with the cold of that time ..

And the harassment in not being believed how ill he was with both types of disability ... 

And getting to die in dygnity at the end ... . 

A very personal farewell ...

all coming together ... 

the final preparations and decisions on all aspects in fruition ... 

... now it is the stories of remembering from the first weekend of meeting .... through to pouring her glass of water in the plant pot by the side of us in the red room ... instead of drinking it on my penultimate time with my Mum in law ... for the eulogy our daughter will put together in her way ... 

An almighty change ...

In our life's ...

The dynamics ... again so changeable ...

Daughters studies are postponed until February so taking time out in this time ... I will probably still go away in what would have been graduation this year ... 

Support from the volunteering side of her life ... To combine work and volunteer and with more availability in time now ... to gain experience to do the Masters route ... 

This is destiny and the time spent holding and nursing nana in those end days ... Where others were not supportive means others gain when others have lost in loss ... 

our future

For daughter and I have been the subject and focus of this outcome which again for both of us will be taking us on a different course after our recent losses... continue...

I have more of an idea what I may achieve....whether it now suits me is another matter 

As per instructions ...

Woodlands
2 April 2016 

The re fit of the bathroom light fitting ... 

The light in the bathroom back in operation within 10 days of arriving home ...   Despite the upheaval of all the funeral arrangements surrounding our life presently ....

I had a bit of an unplanned siesta today ... The tiredness of these times catching up with me ... 

An evening and weekend of plenty of rest with the needs required ... Perhaps another walk to the park .... 

Follow Up Repairs ...

From the cascade of water from above ... Due this morning ...

Mostly dried out now ... There was still a puddle in the bathroom on arriving back

A personal poem ... a piece of music ...

... a profile in pictures ... all yet to come together ...

Mood Lift

... Time for self ... Time to log ... Time to write ...

Makes a difference on the inner peace ... The strength needed for this and the doubts ... Using what I have at present to give the best polish and finish to worth on work at this time ... 

It will either date or be timeless depending on the classic or contemporary quality used ... 

The latest bereavement belongings from care in hospital and more ...

Trying to get on top of the belongings from the latest bereavement ...

• The clothes worn on admission to hospital,
• Clothes to select for dressing of  our deceased loved one 
• Gifts cards and trinkets from death of son through the seasons to now 
• Toiletries gifts and items that can be finished up
• Photos 
• Cuddly toys acquired and more ...
• Items from the hospital ... tissues ... games ... and more 

Already some have been donated ... Used and stored with other items for moving up north ... To help the setting up of the next generations home with minimal things to the paternal family way of recent living ... All of a team effort to ease my overwhelming scars of more of the Robinsons items which is usual on theses times but I can no longer stand the thought of ... 

Flowers ... Hymns Selections and Hmmmm ...

Order of the music into a crescendo of praise and upbeat from a reflective start ... 

Notifying old neighbours and colleagues in person with the ripple of the news of a well loved mum in law that will filter out now in a crescendo too ... on the path well trodden to the park near the once lively home of the in laws with the aroma of delicious food and warmth in character ... floating out from here ... 

After a leisurely start to the day and popping round to the florist to select our flowers not that far from home and right next door to the funeral home just over and round from us 

Celebration of a life

... Preparations for my mum in law are well under way ... Respecting the wishes of a family all but gone  now ... Her son ...  My late hiusband passing on  a few seasons earlier ...

Flowers to be chosen, a coffin, the wishes, relevant bible reading.. A poem and composed words in an eulogy, thoughts prayers in an order of service with an unique take on a celebration of a life, led by officers who are married and personally know the family  ... 

The style and colour of clothes ...how to say farewell for now ...

Distributing the wishes and times as a family spent for many decades through the ups and downs and a time too forgotten ... 

Grasping the ironies, the beauty and the fate, with the destiny of a treasured cherished time with a warmth and uniqueness 

I will treasure too through this sad and still at times an overwhelming life left, originally back some seasons of time now ... the fact of so many continued shared moments when we were both left alone in circumstances bad and fatal ...

And right back to the time we first met .... With the change and tides of time of first arriving in this county with no M25, the opening of what would be a well used restaurant and the coffee house in Bromley to latterly Groom Bridge on the canal immortalised in a photo ...

Sharing meals, picnics and barbecues, the delicious family recipes and food  ... Coastal time, mountains and walks aplenty .. spending a few years of time with my Mum in law's Mum on a Sunday between weekends of visiting other family and friends in counties plenty ... 

Saying Goodbye ...

... and memories made ... over time ... once again shared in precious last conversations ... 

our last time together one Friday this month in the very recent memory of how such times live on in our hearts ... 

... letting go and picking up where I was before the time that came ...

with the knowledge we are richer in spirit from this and these moments ... and knowing such special people in our lives as we weave in more with some than others ... however long or brief ...

The Weight in Clutter ...

the ruthlessness on these times ... the delays ... the deaths ... the clears ... 

The difference in time and the gaps in the clears and the pattern of behaviour change in ...

• shopping 
• meals 
• baking
• decor 
• clothes
• furniture
• style
• versatility
• Media
• product placement
• product labels
• simplicity
• people 
• communications
• time alone
• crafts
• hobbies
• reading
• transference of skills
• vocation
• life change
• life style 

Adapting to life ...

with the impact of making decisions between three of us ... as the next of kin of my mum in law ...in the absence of one devoted loving son ... in an overwhelming situation still for me ..

The unconditional love and support of a nephew stepping in that part of my life ... Whilst adjusting to a turmoil of life upside down and inside out of a forgotten family ... 

This continues ... silently in the background ...

Defining Life ...

when colour drains ... from it ... 

A dawn of few ... the simple pleasures ... 

The fact of fitting into sporty wear again for walking at the minute. And with the material to keep cool when warm and vice versa ... reversing the opposite to what had came along ... and striving for a place in life and fitting in a piece of it again ...

And doing things, some still had no faith I would do ... 

Versatility in an ...

hairdo ... decided ... done and enjoying the new style ...

Up or down, a demi-chignon, a messy layered look, straightened, blow dried forward to frame the face, or straightened in to a classic layered bob ... my multi use theme ... to make the most of change within one item ... 

I like the fact on my bad days, the messy layered look will still be smartly acceptable ... And I get another chance to look different again for the grad photo in July ... for the family album ... a lot different to this time last year ... another progress ... taking an interest in the smart self again ... using more colours, styles and textures ... in the aspects of life we can take for granted ... until it is lost for a time or forever ... 

Floating in time

With hopes for 

My home town chimes

For a little while 

Until it becomes amore awhile

Of that happiness more

A Day of Returns ...

with a variable day in the life of wife to widow to an odd place in life ... Aside the fact of what we went through ... 

I am at an interesting juncture. I was in a part of a life that sees you meet your partner, set up home get married and have a family ... 

In a blink of an eye on the natural progression of the nest becoming empty ... I am still a Mum; but suddenly ... not a wife ...  all within weeks of each other ... 

It is a very interesting view from where I now am ... I can go totally my own way. The family are grown up. All the time that she has been studying is odd though ... in the eyes of the world she is an adult ... In the cosy but costly world of study she is still a dependant ... 

I can go and do as I please now ... If I want to shop at 2am in the morning, I can do so ... So much is open to me now ...  

It is now the scenic way round from the legacy of burden, that carries on beyond a life atypical ...

To Shift the Mood ...

Settling into some structure today ... With inspired thoughts that came ... Once upon a time used to see through ... in due time ... It is a panic as to that time of suppression ... Will I ever be free of this burden ... I would like a lightness in my step ... And to face the days with the zest I once had ... 

Thank you people for the bother ... At least some learnings from the failings of the learnings may appear in one form or another ... Be it this or the next generation ... 

This one part I am not letting sleeping dogs lie ... Those transparencies with the data reform contradict as in this case ... But oh so much more ... 

Myself ... My hair ...

2014

Currently, another long overdue style, cut and blow dry ... 

I do hope to have a look at some new styles to see if they would be suitable ... A lot has changed since I was updated with this first style and colour. I had a hair massage and tips on blowdrying again ... quite a bit had changed ... but stayed similar too since I had last sat in an hair stylists chair ..

And my floating support kept correcting me in the first year with words and what ... to do with hair styling and more ... I was out of date ... 

ideas roll out out

In the little room ... in and out the sub conscious... Going thru life ... In adversity clearing clutter belongings and bits and pieces, going about generally daily ... Inspired by colour the senses touch texture others the seasons baking old with new and if course publishing in a form 152 million plus blogs some of us that do ... 

These are my own writing prompts ... prompts ... 

• Beyond the family tree 
• Ability in disability 
• Visual impairment 
• Hard of hearing 
• Being abnormal is not a crime 
• Taboo subjects
• The dark history of life before the smog child labour prostitution ... all still happens 
• Controversial thoughts as in allowing things like subjects taboo in a less demeaning way because it happens away ... It shoul not be dirty ... Etc 
• Ethical trading 
• Words start forming in diverse thoughts ... dark and light and shade  
• I was a wife I am mow a widow from strife when life was rife ... Getting words to flow when mind in a muddle too 
• A space in a place 
• New words 
• My words used time and again and not so 
• Quotes of others 
• Sylvia Plath
• Words CD imported for Eloquence blog 
• Stories not yet structured 
• Space in seclusion 
• Poems prose that do flow ... I think I ad ready said that 
• Splurge in odd and good creativity from suppression 
• It maybe odd for one  ... but natural for another 
• And of course ideas on movement in the home to research and get funding to do so ... 

The Tiniest Tasks ...

are getting done and these in themselves on coming together, making its own impact ... the unwelcome interruptions aside today ...  the combination of past present and the future plans in a steady way is improving and giving more moments of well being ... an enormous task in itself, when you go alone ...

Anticipation of what will get achieved

this week ... after a more fruitful time of late ...

• Spring Cleaning 
• Stash Busting the depressive items 
• Stash busting the more pleasant items 
• Clothes
• Time in the steamy rooms 
• Getting through the recipes more
• Blogging
• Important CDs
• Watching some of Dad's DVDs etc
• Enjoying Love
• Photos recent and past
• Sprucing up a piece of furniture
• Painting the bathroom tiles 
• Attempting organising a better system for the paperwork
• Vocational ideas and the pros and cons 
• Self Publishing research ... still a bit overwhelming 
• Reading about the Thames Barrier after seeing a very old film with our daughters birth place and this area in a dated format ... fascinating ...

I wonder what is next ... ?

Remembering an outstanding thoughtful eternally loving Husband ...

A Special Birth of our Daughter to the very soon Mothers Day 

Birthdate to the soon after Mothers Day that hubby made special with our new born only being days old ... A week of celebrations this last few days, among the task of the change of life style currently. A birthday. One leap Year Engagement, remembered. The very last Valentines Gift of the most beautiful piece of jewellery, to coincide with that particular leap year day too ... All remembered and making my very first Mothers Day with a new born  ... so very special ...

The Annual Arrival of Post ...

the basic functions of living ... about to have some lunch and then settle down to open and keep it where I do not mislay it for now ... I attempted this part of re-organisation in the home yet again, last month. 

I went back to a easier task. I will come back to this task and try and try agin until I recover on this part of the journey ... The connotations this brings ...  only I and I alone now know...

Month of March ... A mix ... of ...

enjoying the season bursting back in life with vibrant greens blues and colour ... hoping to see the blue bells yet again in the place I like to be.

And a little less damp and dust for a moment. 

And best of all getting to see the smiles on those who mean much to me ... starting with my Mum in law 

Dilemmas In Dress ...

I have already dropped dress sizes. It depends on the style. I made some of my own clothes once for even then, some fittings were too general for certain aspects of the way I was made ... besides the fact I liked some different to the norm once. 

I am now between sizes in some of my clothes. It is good my family gave some clothes to take this in account. They like hubby, knew movement, had a lot to do with my weight.  

Plenty more hill walking coming up soon. Last time they were a bit gentler on me. I was recovering and adapting to new health issues. I have since had lots of advice ... some off the cuff ... as is life outside my atypical world. 

The day after I arrive I have been booked in for a hair do with someone who once cut my hair ... as a treat and pamper for again they know I get carried away once I set to task of clearing the past, condensing the home to hope to move to a gentler pace of life I seem to be more adept with ...

Pottering about in my own time and pace

and space ... 

it has been a pleasure in a roundabout way: that time constraints in my home bubble is out the window for now ... at least it is only time out the window ... 

The amount of times things I wanted to throw items from each room, out of the windows in each room  ... Our daughter remembers ... me actually doing that at times when it got the better of me  ... including the car ... I was not going to waste fuel driving unnecessary items around ... Items flew out the car onto the drive ... fluttering around ... I then just drove off ... 

Getting due process into action

for either way in all the loops and leaps into a new Unknown. A mind field of new ways of things being done ... To confuse me further ... This will be another struggle to get my head round ... The registering of housing ... In another area ... 

The Music Back in More of the Reclaimed Kitchen Space and Functions ... while some bread was prepared and baked ...

more of those special times created ... although the memories for the one ... after the laborious task of importing some of the reunited music into a new format. The recent reclaiming of more of the useful counter space in my reasonable sized kitchen ... functioning more as it is intended ...

A task made simple as I busy myself in this lovely room ... as I try to alter the past to the present and future ... The essence of home craft created in the kitchen again with some simply made bread today ... no yeast, no kneading or faffing about with the traditional way of waiting to rise before cooking and made with healthy oil rather than those bad fats too ...

I have loved the diversity of cooking beyond my own culture. So too trying the healthier options in baking too .. when once I could ... those seasons of yukky food in my system is sad ... but with others too having difficult access to food, one can not be too moany ... and groany about this part of that time ... we did the best we could with what could be done ...

Conflicts Charity Clocks Calendars CDs Cupboards Cabinets Collating and Collecting

reversed reunited revitalised and recycled ...  Despite the reverberations and echoes in time ... A tea trolley ... A shopping trolley a carpet all aid the removal of the remnants of a life that struggled awhile 

Tossing and turning through the swathes of work here in the dust, morning, noon and night and even when I do get to sleep ... the  dreams disturbed  as I plough through the recesses of a time different to what is seen 

... started on our music collection ...

... importing a selection to my music library ... there are pros and cons to everything I am doing ... I still yet to decide on this area ... my husband and I shared a love of music ... this will not be easy ... again this is pulling against myself ... part of me again cannot bear the overwhelming feeling; after living with hoarding ... and can I be bothered in moving this part of the home? I hope all will become clear ....

The Kitchen Work Triangle to Use of the now functioning space ... To the Versatility Of One Useful Item ...

finally once again ... the whole of the area of the room in use ... behind some cupboards there is still some sifting and sorting to do ... and a load of getting used to the regained space 

A little gift coming to myself tomorrow ... is a good quality small skillet frying pan to make and bake with. It can be used in the oven and if I so wished like the many bonfires we cooked on with my family along the now touristy camel trail and with the Guides, long before barbecues became the thing ... I can use it to cook on a bonfire ... 

The versatility of one item is the start ... until I get to Kernow and get ....

• These type of versatile items in the kitchen
• Glass style baking tins 
• Jam Making items
• Storage Solutions to streamline my cooking ... like it once did ...
• A large stockpot to bulk make my one pot dishes and for my family when there will be more than one visiting ... 

Colour in The Blackness of time ...

... A very wibbly, wobbly start to the week ... by mid week my head felt so far from me ... I worked through it ... No self pity ... here 

And as one finds with life ... there is usually something round the corner to put a smile back on your face. Our daughters moment is now happening at the very start of her career path after the relevant qualifications and experience in all her youth activities of the opportunities we steer our off spring through those early years. Be it Brownies, at the start of school to secondary extra curricular activities leading to out of school friends and other youth opportunities. For example attending the local neighbouring borough youth council meetings learning lifetime skills in doing so, and also at county level in representing at the youth county council. She was a young Arts Ambassador for KCC. She attended various drama groups getting the opportunity to do many things. Played musical instruments, attended chess club to name a few. She learned Archery and like me obtained Bronze level in the Duke of Edinburgh award, in doing so.

Another lasting legacy besides the introduction of many things while with the Youth council, she along with others wrote, produced, filmed, interviewed and acted in a local award winning community film, with photo displays at both the local library and Lullingstone World Garden etc ... 

My task as a Mum will never finish ... as with her late Dad ... but seeing her now happy again, in the start of her wishes in a career chosen and working towards her Masters ...  is more than I could have wished for her ... 

Time in a room ... as a room ...

cooking clearing and the cupboards ... there is still time stood still behind some of these cupboard doors ... I am still not using the home to the full capacity, for the clearance stuffed back items I had no interest in ... and only really my sister and cousin and goes without saying our daughter as an inkling in these moments ... of my thoughts, that over time I may have written about or not. It is not a simple case of clearing ... it is the mess it still creates; as proven recently yet again ... how the work in progress is a source of so much ... the ill feeling it stirs up again ... I rather shut the door on it and keep to the now. That is no good, I like it to function as my freezer is finally operating ... with full use of the items in operation now ... that is used in the flow of current life... To get it up to date is overwhelming in this mind ... One day I hope ... as it always is when you achieve something after a dilemma ... I can say to myself ... 'What was all the fuss about ?' ...

Plenty to do

which opens up ideas...

then weighing up pros and cons... fundamentally the basis of life that is left ... and what is worth doing ... especially when life has reminded me yet again...how stupid it is outside beyond here...

Oral Health

... Apart from the complexities of health from that time ... With the final work awaiting the green light and going back for another hygienist appointment ... Within the four months of the first appointment ... 

... My oral health is the best it has been in a ... let's say too long ... 

My sister cannot keep up with all that I am doing ... And she is very astute ... That gives one an inkling into how too complex our lives became ... That says it all ... 

And my mouth feels like it used to ... Progress back in the right direction ... I require the focus on the other outstanding aspects ... The home ... Mind ... Body ... And the inner creative being ... Although now without my kindred spirit ... He is very much with me ... 

Focus is frustrating

Such is the tide of thoughts and decisions. There are so many elements. I have put paperwork as the primary task ... 

Sifting, sorting, shredding and save to file ... I feel a poem forming ... But best to rest ... Oops I did it again ... 

Tasks bursting forth ...

from yet another week this time in the kitchen, the bedroom, the stash of past, present and future. The ideas on clothes, food, paperwork, projects of maybe, could be, and never ... now to work through the decisions.

This can be hard, when the tasks are overwhelming. I am thinking of the end result. That life is so precarious ... All hand in hand to enjoy the now; that can get lost in the past ...

Working through the memories ...

it helps that my mind is encapsulated with what I started in the Summer of 2014; with time spent by Dad's bedside on the oncology ward. 

And spending time sharing art and crafts with family in the North of England. I have had better memories going through my mind, instead of that death scene ... and all that came to be ...

Atmospheric ...

That is a priority, lost in the support ... I would be on the way to a more settled time ... Our daughter knows how I like my ambiance  ... on arrival at their home, they certainly made that a priority for my stay ... Even making sure I didn't get too hot, with my internal heating playing up ... 

And my Mum and her cosy home, as always. Those evenings by the fire, once again with my family. On the gas upgrade in my home, they took out the fire. Last year I had made plans to get a fire of sorts put in place of the now missing fire. 

I had a bad time ... And was not entirely there ... So it did not happen ... I have learnt to keep quiet again ... for the amount of talking I have done ... I am still in a cluttered environment ... I have to get prepared for a bit of  if you want something doing, do it yourself ... 

If I go the long way round ... so be it ... 

At least things are being listened to elsewhere ... And looking into things ... The trouble is they are slow to respond ... And not even with the horse bolted ... did they take on board the mistakes acknowledged ... Nope !

Learning New Words ...

my father-in-law had a memorable command of languages ... and not surprisingly we were the recipients of his knowledge, especially our native language ... 

We pick up on words, as we move through life. I still miss the input of words and pronunciations of various members who passed through our lives. 

We are fascinated to this day by those who had the knowledge of words and passed that directly and indirectly to us ... Our daughter whose studies continued into further education is now the one to discuss words with me, particularly words too, not used often, or the ones that become family code. The new words and the misheard words of those that children inadvertently say, or in our daughters case, a very memorable typo error which exuded roars of laughter much to her innocence at the time, with all involved. Willingly sharing her knowledge, knowing my fascination with words, besides all that is around us in daily life ... even in my most non lucid moments ... to keep me with the world.

She was only reminiscing on words she picked up from her time with us, over the recent holidays, About using the stimulation in her G.C.S.E. English Language exam ... especially a description I once used in my observations on the world. And that typo error ...

Another Small Section ...

... full of memories .... tears and laughter today ...

... settling to task was difficult at the start of the day ... started with a bit of a tidy and a clean to get in the swing of the day ... kept my patience until it started to come together ... and I could concentrate a bit more on task of the day ... getting a kitchen cupboard better organisationed for my particular needs ....

Jam Making ... Memories and More ...

It is simple to do; but a lot of preparation. Then it is being inundated with jars to package and post. I am not local yet, to those who would appreciate my efforts.

All too much fuss, when all around me there is enough things to do. Things not always so exciting as making, smelling, and tasting homemade jams. jellies and chutneys ...

Task in Cornwall ... and then if I get my kitchen legalised to make and sell to the public, or whatever it is you have to have to sell produce at table top Fayre's ... one idea of many still to research properly. In the meantime, the thought helps spur on the hard task of getting rid of a legacy of a terrible failing of another individual in this world ... no longer with us ... my husband ...

Ever Since ...

I finally had my kitchen back, after it became more of a storage room ... one of the first things I attempted to achieve was some jam making ... To date this still has not been achieved ... Yet ...

Little did I know things would continue taking me away from my tasks in hand, until more recently ... I have achieved a lot of other tasks and this I hope will show me, while I share the trials and errors as I move through the various tasks in re-establishing my muddled life ... What I have actually achieved ... where I might not otherwise have done or not ... and maybe finally get to make some jam .... ???